When I Lost My Mind, I Found God: How My Breakdown Became the Gateway to True Wisdom

When I Lost My Mind, I Found God: How My Breakdown Became the Gateway to True Wisdom

A blog post inspired by Day 36 of “The Exodus Testimony: A 60-Day Devotional for Women Called to More”

I used to think I was the smartest woman in every room.

Straight A’s. Valedictorian vibes, (at least it would have been had I finished high school when I was 17...but that's a story for another day). Getting kicked out at 15 never stopped me, at 18 I enrolled right into college, multiple diplomas, a degree, and certificates. I was a walking university lecture—a career student chasing success like it owed me purpose. I knew how to research, how to write, how to pass any test (without having to study for them). And yet, the one test life gave me—motherhood, heartbreak, identity, faith—I failed. Miserably. At least that's what I thought at the time. Fastforward 3 years later and wallah, your personal walking testimony.

Or at least I thought I did.

After I gave birth to my beautiful son, October, I went back to school because I needed some form of financial security. I My grades were great and UofT had plenty of grants and bursaries that kept me going. But inside? I was exhausted. My partner at the time only allowed me two days to attend school (so they didn't have to take extra time off work), even though I brought in majority of the household income. Can you image compression a full-time course load at an Ivy League university, University of Toronto and not have a mental breakdown? Girlfriend, I was going through it. And after pushing myself past every limit and still trying to hold on to the facade of the "I can do everything mother," something broke. My mind. My ability to retain anything. It was like all the knowledge I had stored for 20 years just disappeared overnight.

I couldn’t think. I couldn’t remember. I felt stupid. Useless. Empty.

And that’s exactly where God met me.

The Wisdom I Never Had in any Classroom

It wasn’t in a lecture hall or during a test. It wasn’t through my professors or my textbooks. It was at some weird early in the morning wondering why you're up and can't sleep-time. If I'm being raw and real with you, I couldn't stand my life. October and the rest of my kids were the only thing worth waking up for each day in and out. It was in the stillness after the storm, where Father showed me life isn't meant to be all rainbows. But, most of all He promised me can show me how to exist in full fulfillment and absolute completion. When everything I leaned on failed, God was the only One I had left to lean on.

I finally remembered my bible. I remember traveling in the realms each night searching for it. Fighting off demons each and every single night. And, no sis, this isn't a metaphor. After retrieving my bible, I was surprised to see it was the same exact one my mother gave me for my 19th birthday.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

I had built my whole identity on my own understanding. And when that crumbled, I realised I had nothing if I didn’t have Him.

Wisdom Begins Where Pride Ends

I used to pride myself on how articulate, polished, and educated I was. Now? I can’t even form a full sentence without asking the Holy Spirit to guide my words. All those years in University and College, just to be renewed by the Holy Spirit in the end.

What used to scare me, now it humbles me

When I asked God for wisdom—like King Solomon—I didn't get smarter in the world’s way. I became more dependent. More surrendered. More open. More discerning.

Wisdom is not about what you know. It’s about who you follow.

This Is Why I Wrote The Exodus Testimony

If you’re reading this and you’re in your own breakdown…
If you’re a mama trying to hold it together while secretly falling apart…
If you’re in school or a career and wondering why you still feel empty…

You are not alone. You’re just in your Exodus. Allow Jesus to lead you out of the wilderness

I wrote a devotional called The Exodus Testimony: A 60-Day Devotional for Women Called for More to walk other women through this exact wilderness. It's raw. It's real. And it's filled with the power of God to lead you out of burnout, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and spiritual emptiness—into a life of purpose and promise.

Want a Sneak Peek?

💌 Subscribe now and I’ll send you Day 1 of the devotional for free. Let it sit in your spirit and see if the Lord is calling you deeper too.

📖 Ready to walk the full journey with me? You can purchase the full 60-day devotional [link here] and begin rewriting your own story today.

📝 If you're ready to share your testimony with the world? I now coach women just like you on how to turn their story into a movement. Click here to sign up for our masterclass. If you're interested in coaching and mentorship on writing, publishing, and ministering your message faithfully. I would love to walk with you on this journey

From breakdown to breakthrough.
From pride to faithful.
From self-reliance to Spirit-led.

It’s not just a story. It’s my raw and real testimony.

Love always,
Val – Faithful Servant and Loyal Hound to the Most High